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Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Grand Digital Theft by Google AI

Google Comedy of Pixels.

Please assemble in a circle, everyone! In a place where ones and zeroes play together like a herd of digital unicorns, we are about to start on a fascinating tale. First, a Google engineer was let go after declaring last summer that the company’s artificial intelligence model was sentient. Holy sh*t! The second accusation against our main character, the tech behemoth Google, is that it stole “virtually the entirety of our digital footprint,” including our cherished “creative and copy-written works.” Common!! Oh, the tension!

Imagine a rainy, dark night in Mountain View, the location of Google’s headquarters. Our heroes, the Google algorithm elves, are getting ready for their big robbery when the clock strikes midnight. They say, “Today, we shall steal ‘virtually’ everything!” in a low voice. They began their mission with a flick of their digital cloaks. But wait a moment. “Virtually the entirety of our digital footprint” – what does that mean exactly? Does Google have a secure, dragon-guarded vault where they keep our Twitter tirades and Facebook selfies? Or perhaps they’ve created a mystical vacuum that, like a cosmic Jedi, sucks out our internet presence?

Do we know that Google informs users in their policy that whatever they put online in a public forum may be used to train Bard and any future AI products they create? Most likely not, as few people have even read those ragged pages.

Let’s get to the good stuff now. Did Google break into our houses in their sophisticated robbery to steal our unfinished books, artwork, and cat videos? Did they sneak into libraries, steal complete collections of Shakespearean sonnets, and mutter, “Shh, don’t tell anyone,” as they did so? Imagine a squad of cartoonish villains sitting at Google’s hidden headquarters, surrounded by a mountain of “creative and copy-written works.” As they add more cats and less plot shocks to the ends of famous works, they laugh hysterically. “Muhahaha! “Hamlet by Shakespeare, now with 50% more cats and 100% fewer tragic deaths!”

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