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Saturday, May 18, 2024

ChatGPT Questions for Tired Parents

Why not make AI perform our jobs because it is already doing everyone else’s?

  1. Give me detailed directions on how to put my kids to bed without any squabbles.
  2. You have just turned one. Tell me where you might have put your sippy cup with the milk.
  3. Please offer five poop jokes that my eight-year-old would enjoy, so she won’t remember that I promised to tell her the origin of infants.
  4. Make a thorough plan to stop my two-year-old from changing his own dirty diapers.
  5. Please offer advice on how to make my fussy eater taste the lasagna for dinner tonight without making a scene.
  6. Give me reasons why my husband needs to have a vasectomy right now using a table.
  7. Give me three strategies to get my kids to put their filthy clothing in the hamper rather than on the floor next to it.
  8. Create three strategies to persuade my needy child not to follow me into the restroom.
  9. Give me ten different ways to respond to my six-year-old’s request to wear the same Super Mario jersey to school ten days in a row: “Because I said so,” please.
  10. Create a plan to persuade my three-year-old to self-potty train using persuasive marketing techniques.
  11. Make a script for the conversation I want to have with my 7-year-old about his unhealthful interaction with Roblox.
  12. Investigate sleep training and explain why the hell newborns don’t come into the world with the ability to sleep.
  13. Give me ten original methods to remind my five-year-old that she should start wiping her own behind.
  14. Come up with ten ways to stop my four-year-old from consuming her own boogers.
  15. Create a list of ten new TV shows that must be seen for an adult who has only seen Cocomelon and Ms. Rachel since becoming a parent. These shows must have debuted in the last four years.
  16. Send the principal an email requesting payment for the Taylor Swift performance I was forced to miss in order to complete all the back-to-school paperwork.
  17. Explain to my 9-year-old’s bug obsession why she shouldn’t run a free-range spider farm in her bedroom or anywhere else in the house by acting like an arachnologist.
  18. Give three suggestions for bedtime tales. Definitely needs a farting unicorn. I swear I won’t haunt you when I pass out from lack of sleep if you do not employ any monsters in the story.
  19. Give me five recommendations on what to do if I believe my child to be a psychopath rather than just a disobedient three-year-old.
  20. Make a pie chart outlining the advantages and disadvantages of leaving my family to spend the rest of my life on a remote island.
  21. Give me a simple explanation of why, despite the chaos of parenthood, I would continue to chose this way of life.

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